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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?